What I’ve found in life is that some people will tell us what they want us to hear, they will tell us how they want us to act… they will tell us how we should live our lives and try to change who we should be in regard to ‘social standards’… well do you know what I say to them … FUCK YOU! !! Be who you want and do what feels right in your heart, because that is the only way your life will lead you in the right direction…the way it’s supposed to be… people may call you strange, weird, different …WHATEVER!!!…does that make a difference? It only makes a difference if we let what other people say govern our life or who we are! People have called me weird, crazy, strange etc etc etc my whole life… do you know where listening to them that got me? … It a lot of really bad situations, extremely unhappy and discontent with my life to the point where it almost destroyed myself… because what I found was when I tried to act ‘normal’ people still judged me and called me weird anyway… so instead I just decided to be myself and let all the bullshit in my life wash away. I got to a point in my life where I realised I didn’t actually “need” anyone but myself… This was a great thing for me because it made me realise that I still love, cherish and appreciate the people in my life, but I don’t actually need their approval, validation or acceptance because I am who I am and if I’m true to myself I will always find my own happiness…
Like most people a lot of bad stuff has happened in my life to lead me to where I am at the moment and also to write this blog in the hope that anyone else that has been or is in a similar situation to me knows they are not alone, because for me that was one of the hardest things for me to accept and deal with. Life isn’t actually easy, it can be very tricky and trialling and who on earth knows why we are here? Is there actually a divine purpose? Or are we simply just evolved organisms walking around with no actual idea what we are doing? I have had similar conversations like this with many people and no one seems to truly know the answer, we all have our own individual opinions and points of view … but who and what is actually right? … if any ?… the thing I figured is that no one really actually knows for sure and there is no way to prove or validate your point of view to some one who doesn’t agree… I know I have my own beliefs that I know a lot of people don’t agree with … my point is anyway I don’t think the point of life is walking around in a constant state of unhappiness,or to do things other people think is right for you. I believe it is our life and it’s up to make the most of it. We can either be unhappy judging and comparing ourself to others or we can embrace who we are and reach for the stars … so to speak!
A lot of people have tried to bring me down in life, and who knows why. They have said and done things that have shook me to the core and made me really question who I am, I’ve laid in bed on many occasions pondering life, people and the way we interact with one another, some people I have thought I could trust have lead me astray and let me down time and time again, I would often lie in the peaceful darkness of the night and try to resolve the situation in my mind, sometimes leading me to a dead end. It honestly baffles me how some people act and I could not figure out the reason why. All I do know is I’m responsible for my own actions, someone may hurt me, but I am only responsible for the way I act and how I choose to deal with the situation, I could either take the hard road and let what other people say govern who I am or I could chose to take the optimistic approach and deal with things differently.
When I chose to take every negative and turn it into a positive that is when things in my life really started to turn around, I got to a point where I felt like I didn’t fit in or belong in society so I almost completely shut my whole being down, I tried to stop the way that I thought and essentially stop being myself, there was so much heartache and pain during this time that I got a point where I felt like I had no soul, I let society break me and it took me to the worst kind of hell you could imagine.
The journey back to myself and my sanity has been hard but very rewarding, when I chose to take back the power over my mind the most incredible things started to happen, as you will read in all those ‘self help’ books, changing your mind for the better is actually possible and can actually be achieved, when I experienced this myself none of these books were around and no one was talking about conditions of the mind… I had to figure it all out on my own, but I slowly day by day began to believe in myself. It started gradually and I slowly began to take back the control of my mind and the power in my life… I was once suffering so intensely from anxiety that I couldn’t even be around a small group of friends or family in a social situation, being a social person in nature this was very hard and torturous for me. It took me years to figure out where my anxiety was coming from, because from my understanding it’s a fear based condition that evolves within our minds. It took me a lot of soul searching but I realised it all came back to my fear of judgement and feeling like I didn’t belong in this world, I have been through stages in my life where I have felt so weak and vulnerable I didn’t know if I would survive the night. But each day got better as I began to start telling myself I could… Instead of letting my fear based mind control my life I decided to change my thoughts for the better, instead of thinking no I can’t do that…blah, blah, blah I started thinking yes I can… I slowly started believing in myself and regaining my strength as a valid human in this world.
It has been a long and hard journey, one I guess you can say of self-discovery and I wasn’t quite sure where that road would take me but it was so much better than living in the fear based prison I had created in my own mind. I do and always have believed everything happens for a reason and this is why this has got me to this point in my life. I always felt so alone on my journey and wasn’t sure if anyone else in the world had ever gone through anything similar to me… so I write this in the hope that if anyone is … you are not alone and there is a way out.
A lot of people come to me these days with the same problem, suffering from anxiety and asking me for my help. Unfortunately I was alone on my journey in the sense that I had to figure things out inside my mind, but the fact that I can shed some light or help other people in the same situations makes everything worthwhile. It can be a hard road and figuring out where the anxiety is coming from is half the problem. I read the other day that high school students these days have the same anxiety levels as those of mental patients in the 50’s. What is the world coming to and how did it get this way? Are we to blame? Is the media?… For saturating our lives with constant fear based dogma? Is society so fixated in the idea of ‘perfection’ we forgot that we are all only humans, doing our best at each stage of our existence?