Self love 

Protect yourself. Love yourself and do what’s right for you!!!. Follow your heart because your head can make up lies and disillusion to make you believe what is not right. People get in your head and try to take you off path but believe in yourself and your light will always shine on through the darkest hours of the coldest nights.

We live in a world were we are connected more than ever, we can litterally face time our friends abd family anywhere in the world at anytime and see them as if they are right there in front of us but we feel so disconnected emotionally, physically and mentally. Relationships don’t seem to last like they used to because like the latest iPhone everyone is looking for an upgrade to something better or different when things stop working.

Leaving us with a huge gap of mistrust, pain and anguish- trying to do what we can to fill the void. We reach for drugs and alcohol to ease the pain, to escape the hurt and our feeling. We immerse ourselves online to distract ourselves from what’s happening in our real lives. We do what we can to make the pain of tgis fickle world subside but deep down we know the reason why.

We are constantly watched everywhere we go with cctv footage inplace around our local towns, pubs, shopping centres. To keep us safe but if you watch the news it seems our crime rate in through the roof.
“Where is the love”? Where is the trust. It seems to be non existant in the basic fundamentals in society so how can we expect to find that within ourselves.

As a collective we feel lost, we feel momentary happiness, but often dark confusion and lack fills our souls. The suicide and self harm rate of teenagers is increased intensely. Is it because fundemental and subconsciously we are taught that being fake is right ? That hiding our true emotions is scary and that no one will like us if we admit we are having a hard time dealing with life? – well I say FUCK THAT !!! Be raw, be real, be candid, love YOURSELF enough to show and share your true emotions. Love yourself unconditionally, be strong, be weak and be kind because the ying yang of life is but a ride. A magical, mysterious ride that exists within our mind. We can create the life we dream of we can create fulfilling love, realtionships and succes. Trust yourself and the universe will always lead you where you need to go.


Harbouring hate 

There’s no point harbouring hate.  When someine does you wrong.  Especially someone you thought you could love and trust there is no point causing mpre drama or getting them to see your point of view the best thing you can do is send them love from a far and move on. Release the pain. Feel the pain, acknowledge it and let go and move on. Time goes by and our peace of mind and happiness is the most important thing. As our lives are so importsnt and it’s up to us to make the most of it. Remove the people who poison our brains with their toxic words.  Remove the people who are unsupportive… surround ourselves with the people who understand, supoortive, comfort and cherish us! Love the ones who love us back and if we get hurt and stung by love don’t let that bring us down because time and emotions are fluid and forever changing.  The ying and yang darkness and the light have their equal importance im our life. Embrace the weird, wild and wonderful human you are at your core and cherish those people who love you for it. Embrace your difference and distance yourself from those who harm and hurt you with love. Honour youself and let your light shine…

If someone has hurt you too many times and you’ve given them too many chances let them go and the universe will reward you with a new love and light to replace the darkness they left in your heart.  You are important. You  are loved and you deserve the best life has to offer. We live in a beautiful world full of miracles and wondrous creations and people. Live and love your life and it will love you right back. Stand your ground , step back into your power and no matter what know thst you deserve the best life has to offer !!! Xxx
Blessings 💓🦄🏖

What is mental illness

What is mental illness?

Why if there are so many drugs dedicated to “mental health issues”, why is the amounts of people with “mental illnesses” increasing? Isn’t the way medication suppose to work is to get rid of the issues, illness etc? Is the world we are living in and the pharmaceutical companies that are billion dollar enterprises creating these illnesses or making them worse? How does it all work? Are anti- depressants causing bi-bipolar and schizophrenia? Why are Children are now on psychiatric drugs!


There is now finite way to determine mental illness, no physical tests just behavioural patterns… how does this even make sense? We live in a world were some people are medicating their children because they have too much “energy” or are unruly? Does this not come down to the parenting abilities and dynamic between the parent and child? Why do you let your child dominate you? And why do they “lose their shit “ if you tell me no?.. is this a real cause for medicating a young child and altering their brain before their brain has had a good chance to properly grow?


Some research I’ve been doing lately suggests that psychotropic drugs create mental illness. I’m not saying to stop taking them, I’m merely putting a topic out there for discussion. Are there not other alternative ways to help our children and mentally ill? Why are they not coming up with mainstream cures? Why are they not practising alternative therapies? Why are alternative therapies not widely know? Is this just because the pharmaceutical industry is creating billions of dollars off the vulnerability of others?… from the research I just study apparently there is no such thing as a chemical in-balance in the brain until we actually stick the medication in our mouths which cause the imbalance’s .


What is the truth to all this? As a truth seeker I have stumbled across many theories, some that way people with severe mental illness such as bi-polar and schizophrenia or schizo-effective disorder are modern oracles of this time that can see, hear and communicate with other realms and beings. Some theorists believe that is Eastern culture, people who have mental illness in Western culture are cured by living there or praised in their communities and tribes for the gifts they have, visions and communications they experience.


Some people I know personally have been on mediation and diagnosed with schizophrenia but have successfully pulled away from the pharmaceutical enterprise by their own will power and determination, combined with deep emotional therapeutic exercises. Other people I know live a relatively “normal” healthy life on medication while some others struggle on a daily basis and see their mental illness as a huge hindrance to their existence.


What is the answer and why is the amount of people going on psychotropic drugs increasing not decreasing if the drugs are supposed to work in cure and helping such illnesses?


Please comment below any theories or beliefs you have.


Beyond the Vortex

There are many times I sat alone in darkness on my own metaphorically and physically with dark thoughts at dark times in dark hours of the morning. I used to despise and relish these moments at the same time, as I’d dive deep into my imagination and the inner depths of my being. Although looking back I spent too many hours on my own, although this did give me a greater sense of independence it also kept me isolated in a sense. As I believed I was alone in what I was going through I didn’t know where, how or who to reach out to. My friends at the time didn’t understand because they had never experienced anything like this before so for me I was on my own dealing with the greatest obstacle I’ve ever faced on my own …(mental illness)

At the beginning I would pretend it didn’t happen, I guess that was part of the processing phase, I would not speak of what happened, I’d try not to think about it and I would completely try to shut it out as if it never occurred. I didn’t feel safe talking to anyone about it but eventually that phase passed onto the next one. I began to start talking to friends and family about what happened but no one knew the answers, most would react in strange and particular ways as in laughing at my
“hallucinations and paranoia” or avoid me. Some would try to reach out but I got to a stage in my early twenties where I could not go to events. I would not answer my phone or return messages and I let myself slip into a deep, dark cave of self- loathing depression. In hind-sight this was one of the most crucial phases in the healing process for me as getting to those dark depths was when and where I decided I didn’t want to feel like this ever again. I decided I didn’t want to live in the dark vortex I had created for myself. So I didn’t.

It all began with a choice, the choice not to want to live there, I didn’t find out until many years later but during this phase I taught myself Cognitive Behavioural therapy. Which essentially is the concept where we chose our own thoughts and don’t let the negative ones control our existence (this is very common). It’s a hard practise that takes everyday conciousness to achieve, a daily activity of deciding how we perceive each and every situation in our life and instead of letting fear and negativity dictate, to chose the power over or thoughts and our existence. It’s been a long and tedious journey for me of many ups and downs and back and forth type of existence, it’s been a tremendous journey of self discovery and realisation. It took me years to accept what had happened to me and even longer to be at peace with it all. This is not something that I take or talk about lightly, I speak about my experiences in the hope to shed light in dark places for others because I have come to a place where I’m happy to share my story to others in the hopes of healing and disarming the taboos stigmas attached to mental illness.

My illness has effected my life and relationships with those around me more than I’d imagine, I’ve lost lovers and friends over my condition from misunderstandings which is probably the most heart wrenching part for me. I’ve even tried to write about my experiences with my illness a few years ago and couldn’t do it as each attempt bought me to tears, re-hatching and reminiscing about these past events was too much for me at that time. This is how I know I’ve grown and this just shows me how far I’ve come. As I always say and always will I’m writing these posts from the point of view of a person who has suffered from the taboos of mental illness for over a decade. I write these posts in hope to connect with and share my story for those who can relate and for those who can’t relate to understand.

Peace and Love xo

Stepping backwards moving forward. (language warning )

Sometimes what seems like a step backwards can actually be a step forward in the right direction. Life can seem uncanny and may lead us to places we never expected. What at the time seemed like a massive step backward has actually been a huge leap for me in new direction I never realised before, what seems like a set back “is just like a cha cha dance” which can lead you in a new direction, spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Moving back into my parents house at my age after having my own house initially felt like a step backwards, but over time I’ve come to realise living here I have gained so much more in other areas of my life. I have rekindled old friendships and most importantly I’ve realise how far I have come and grown, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I am not the person I was once, but I am still the same, I have learned to access parts of myself of who I’ve always wanted to be, or who I have always been which has been inside me all the time.

The other day a person I know was laughing when they asked me if I remembered the time I went missing ? (because of my mental illness/psychosis )…. I laughed right back at them and said of course I do it was a very traumatic experience in my life that has taken me years to accept and overcome. I continued on to say that unfortunately certain people won’t seem to let me live that down, even though it occurred over 10 years ago.

I’ve spoken to my loved ones and those close to me about this incident and why “certain people’ feel the urge to bring up things from the past that are embarrassing, sad or traumatic and laugh as if it was humorous. We concluded that “these people” don’t understand me or my illness or the struggles I deal with sometimes on a daily basis. This conversation did upset me, it bought back memories I’ve been coming to terms with and forgetting for a long period of time. But we realised that the basis was these people are ignorant and don’t understand the impact of their words.

One of my closest friends had a car accident several years ago and suffers physically on a daily basis, there a certain things she can not do physically and other things she chooses not to do because of the impact it will have on her body. She is in constant pain. I said to her “hunny … how would you feel if I said to you, remember that time you had a car accident ….in a laughing manner” . She totally got it and she always will this is part of the reason we are best friends. She understands the analogy I’m trying to get through to people more than others.

The problem with most people and mental illness is the taboos and judgements that have been put on people like me for generations. 12 years after the first traumatic episode I experienced with psychosis at the young age of 19 I still have some people I know using it as a joke towards me. This is not the first incident but it should be the last. I’ve been at parties where someone has announced the same thing in a group conversation “remember the time you went missing” (laughing and waiting to make a fool out of me in front of a group of people at a party, some of whom I had just met. No wonder people take their own lives, these people made me feel less than, embarrassed for something I had no control over. Yes I have a fucking mental illness and NO it’s not a fucking joke and neither am I. I’m also an intelligent human who has successfully completed a university degree and achieved other great accomplishments in my life. Yes I have hard days, bad days but I’ve learned how to deal with them, yes I’ve fucking suffered from anxiety, depression and panic attacks, plus all the shame and stigma attached to having a fucking mental illness and you know what I’m still fucking alive!!!!

I’ve been dealing with this shit since I was 19 and NO actually it doesn’t help me to be reminded of the first incident that I had psychosis when I was 19. what this instance did teach me is how far I have come mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As there was definitely times where I would of reacted differently. There would have been times where I would have got angry or upset, possibly sent into a panic attack and this is the reason I suffered from social anxiety for years. From ignorant people like this who would see my illness as a joke.

It is not a joke and it is no laughing matter. I am fine!!! I’ve dealt with this for a long time so I have learned some great coping mechanisms but what I’m not happy with is that people will still judge, mock and criticise me for having a fucking mental illness … this is out of my control. I did not chose this. I don’t know why it happens to me but it’s something that has taken me a long time to accept, overcome and deal with.

This is MY story !! This is MY LIFE !!! I have come a long way from the frightened young girl that was admitted into hospital as a teenager and I will not let anyway take that progress away from me !. I have come too far and been through way too much to let anyone get the better of me ! I’ve had some friends take their own lives and it’s not something I want to do. Yes, but like I said I deal, I find ways to cope and deal each moment at a time. But as I move on from each phase I always look back and see what I have learned and I enjoy sharing these things with other people.

People with metal illness should NEVER be made to feel ashamed of who they are, we all deserve love just as much as anyone else if not more.

Open your eyes, hearts and minds people and stop being so careless with your judgements and words, have some respect for those who have gone through hardships and have some compassion for those things you may not understand!!!!

would you laugh at someone who had a car accident? NO I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t so to all those people out there that laugh and think mental illness and psychosis is a joke have a good hard look at yourself and think about your actions and words because you never know how they may effect somebody. You would never know by looking at me so don’t judge !